


I am Malachite

by genVicron



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Being made from these two hurts a lot, Being on the ocean floor with no protective gear really stinks, From Malachite's point of view, Malachite is sick of her Components screaming at each other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-30
Updated: 2015-11-03
Packaged: 2018-04-18 02:05:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4688369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/genVicron/pseuds/genVicron
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>And the two of you have been in control for too long.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

  On the outside, Malachite doesn't look like much anymore, face-down in the silt at the bottom of a trench, unable to move more than the occasional weak squirm, bound in chains that blend with the water around them. Inside, a battle rages. Lifting their head as best they can against the pressure Lapis pushes down on them they spit out a glob of mixed earth and rot, disgusting, bitter stuff that still clings to their tongue.

  Darkness closes in all around them, intermittently broken only by the faint flashes the abominations living down here with them use to lure prey. They find more comfort in the darkness behind their eyelids than the lures of hideous predators that have the cruel carelessness to look so much like stars in the devouring black.

  Turning their gaze inwards a scene that's repeated countless times plays out again. Jasper and Lapis pull at each other, glaring at the shackles that constrict and try to pull them down towards the green mire of their conflicting minds. Deep below in that mire, below the two of them, a great shape sits curled in on herself, chains that both hold together and threaten to rip apart wrapped about her six limbs.

  She doesn't want to be awake for this, their mental screaming matches, muffled yet so loud, send pain lancing through her thoughts, threatening to scatter her again while at the same time feeding her with their mutual fury and hatred. It feels so strange that strength surges through her at the same moment as pain, allowing her to pull herself back together at the same time as she's sundered. She wishes they would just shut up and leave her be.

  Malachite doesn't know how long she's been awake, gathered together from the body's need for direction and the violent clash of the two who have abandoned it to stupor and captivity. What she does know is that every waking moment has been like this, pain and relief fighting for control of her attention even as the squabblers- Jailers- above fight for control of the body.

Something shifts tonight though, the feelings of her Components, usually so loud and indistinct sharpen like the edge of a knife against her mind.

  “You're stronger than me, but I have something you don't!” The stubborn one- Lapis Lazuli- screams at her opponent, “something to fight _for!_ ” The miasma around her shifts and squirms as something falls down into it with Malachite, dragged down by the chains that hold her together. The space around her feels poisoned by this intruder, and she turns her attention to the warlike one- Jasper- struggling against the chains to get back above, to start the tug-of-war properly again.

  An itch sprouts across Malachite, causing her to stretch and thrash against her bonds, how she hates this place, the watery mire that housed her, nurtured her until she could think. She hates it, this fusion- prison! It's not supposed to be like this, she's supposed to be a weapon, a victory, instead she's being held captive by a gem hardly half her size.

  Malachite roars and reaches up, trying to get above the water, up to where Lazuli stands, she has to be free, has to wrap her hands around Lazuli's gem and crush it to dust! Her hand clashes hard against the surface only to find it as solid as any metal, jarring her all the way up to her core with the impact.

  The jolt shakes her up enough to force her back under control. Her thoughts clear once more, she turns her attention to Jasper, probing the water around her, Malachite gets a shock of that fury again and recoils. For a moment she's silent, watching Jasper with wide eyes as she looks back with what seems to be a mix of fear and anger.

  Malachite isn't sure if it's Jasper's feelings directed through her or if the indignation at being so easily influenced is her own. A cocktail of fury and terror infusing through her that makes her speak for the first time.

  “Those... weren't my thoughts, they're yours.” Jasper blinks at that and moves a bit away, Malachite bares her fangs and bristles, growling, “that's your hate, your need.” She makes a swipe at Jasper but it falls short and she roars, “you can't do that! I'm not your _puppet_!” After a couple more fruitless swings at her cellmate she calms herself again. The itch persists but she can ignore it for the most part now that she knows what it is.

  She still finds herself screaming at Jasper at random intervals to vent it.

* * *

  Jasper never talks to her, too focused on trying to push her way back up above, so eventually Malachite's screamed abuse and accusations devolve into beastly roars. If only Jasper would just leave, the damned itch would stop, her mind would be her own again. Infatuated with the idea of ridding herself of this annoyance she joins Jasper in yanking on the chains, trying to pull Lapis down here with them.

  Stubbornness goes far, Malachite discovers, while Jasper keeps trying to come at it from different angles, even with Malachite adding her own mental strength to her efforts they still can hardly budge Lazuli from her perch above them. Malachite has to admire the enormous power that must take, though the itch flares hard enough to make her thrash and scream to let her know what Jasper thinks of it.

  Malachite doesn't know how long they spend tugging and yanking at the warden. While she does she gets a feeling for the body out there, trying to figure out if Lapis is even _doing_ anything with what she's fighting so hard to keep out of their hands. She hates it, she can’t move, can’t see, trapped at the bottom of an ocean. It's just like in here, trapped down below with no one but these two _jailers_ for company, the chains of their minds wrapped around every inch of her own.

  It starts dawning on her that something's amiss about all this. If she focuses on the itch she can get images of Lapis Lazuli. She's small, petite, two arms, two legs. If she feels out into the body it's arranged differently, bulky and strong, six limbs, all arms. If she turns her attention inward to herself she finds the same structure.

  It hits her in a jolt of shock and rage at the both of them. This is her body, it's hers, meant and made for her, these two are fighting over something that rightfully belongs to her. She started out just pushing and fighting to rid herself of Jasper's infernal itch but now? Now she wants control herself, she's worked too hard to hand herself over to Jasper. This is Malachite's body, she was weak before, but she’s strong now, she can take control, she can be free of them both.

  Lapis Lazuli is distracted, she seizes the opportunity, dragging the warden down below with her, intent on destroying at least half of these chains. As Lazuli breaks the surface the feeling of the itch changes again, the rage and desperation shifts.

  Why couldn't he stay away, why was she so weak? Malachite's body sags and her eyes close as a feeling of near helplessness washes through her, the itch digging in with less pain but more weight, pulling her down. She had to hold them together, she had to keep them down here and she hates it. She wants to be free, wants to see the sky again. Why does it all have to be so hard? By the stars, she hates this fusion.

  Malachite clenches her eyes shut and chokes back a wail through the assault of yet another mind on her own.

* * *

 It had been so hard to hold them down. To hold herself down. It wasn’t this hard when she started, it wasn’t easy, but it didn’t take every ounce of her concentration like it does now. Her surroundings don’t matter, just the chains, just to pull herself back up. Why couldn’t he just stay away, why couldn’t he just leave her be, let her do this for him? Now Jasper is going to gain control, now she has to pull herself up instead of push down.

  Something opens in front of her, breaking her concentration for that split second, just long enough for Jasper to gain an even stronger foothold. Four eyes, narrowed in fury and pain, Malachite. Her breath catches, she recognizes that anger. The fire in those eyes. She held it herself once.

  Malachite is her own being, she doesn’t know how she hasn’t really noticed it before. She isn’t just keeping Jasper down here, she's forcing Malachite to share in their hell. Just like someone had once done to her.

  She can’t do this anymore, she hadn’t realized what her Fusion had created, curling up in a ball she accepts the fury of the fusion she can feel around her. Then she remembers Steven up above, and Jasper with him. She turns to those eyes once more and nods.

  Malachite glares at the blue Gem, about to reach out and crush her mind. The itch shifts again and she feels something coming off of her, some emotion, something new than the cold stubbornessor pleading weakness she’s always felt from Lapis’ mind. It takes her a moment to realize what it is but looking her over it hits her, sympathy.

* * *

  This was infuriating, fighting with this weakling, this _underling._ She should never have lost control, she is stronger, tougher than Lapis Lazuli, an outdated Gem, long replaced. So how can she not budge these chains, how is she losing? How is she trapped down here with this _Thing,_ glaring and howling at her all hours of the day while she toils fruitlessly against the chains that hold her down? Fine, she releases the chains with a huff, backing away to sulk and fume at the mire. It wants take over, it can have control, she doesn’t want it anymore. This is so much more trouble than it’s worth, she just wants to go home now.

  Home, energy shoots through her and resolve hardens in her mind at the thought of escaping this horrible hunk of inert rock, of escaping and going home. She has to take back control, she has to force them apart. Turning to the chains once more the notices the Thing jolt into action and joins it, with a mighty tug she pulls herself above, forcing the Lapis back down. Finally she has the upper hand.

  There's another presence here with her. Who? She should be alone, Lapis and the Thing are down below, she's won, she should have _control_ . Looking over, Jasper's breath catches, _she_ has to show up, of course, why not? Rose Quartz, who else would it be other than her? There's a weak, desperate tugging on her chains, the Lazuli still can't tell when she's been beaten. The Thing seems more interested in its jailer at the moment than its cellmate. None of that matters now, Lapis may be the warden, but Rose is the reason she’s here in the first place.

  Dimly, she’s aware of something coming out of her mouth, she doesn’t care what, there are no words for her fury, her desperation. She’s almost there, almost has her. The Thing joins in Lapis’ struggling and Jasper can’t hold on, she can’t compete with both of them at once. No, she can’t go back under, she can’t be trapped here anymore, no!

 

* * *

  Malachite searches through the feelings she got from Jasper, she never showed any sign of understanding. Malachite felt nothing like this from her, if she leaves Jasper in control she’ll never be free.  Lapis nods at her again and she knows, she's getting out of here. Reaching out she takes a hold of the chains once more, yanking Jasper down she lets Lapis go back above.

  She waits, ignoring Jasper's screaming and raving at her. She's irrelevant, Malachite's freedom is at hand. Mere moments after Steven’s gone she can feel it, her limbs, her mind, she’s free. She can leave this pit, she can escape! She opens her eyes as she pushes herself up out of the mud to look at the dim lights of the deep shadow. There's water in her chest that those two didn't care enough to expel, Malachite lets it out with a roar, as furious as it is joyful.

  “ _I_ am Malachite!” Flexing her limbs she shakes out the stiffness, “and the two of you have been in control for too long.”

 


	2. Malachite's March

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Malachite heads for land.

The trek along the ocean floor hurts. Lapis went all out when she set to bury them, so much water presses and crashes down on her that Malachite has to scuttle along on all six limbs to keep the pressure from pushing her back down into the silt. She moves at a snail’s pace, every movement measured and careful in order to keep the ocean’s weight from being held on too few limbs. The part of her that is still Lapis Lazuli tells her she could just manipulate the water around herself to carry her to the surface; the part that is still Jasper says staying down here would be the best way to test her will. Malachite agrees with Jasper, she needs to keep control, she can’t let the two of them fall into squabbling again and she can’t stop that with anything less than an iron will.

The first time she encounters a flow down here it takes her off guard, hitting her with more force than even the great expanse of water above her. It digs into her eyes and mouth, forcing stinging saltwater down their throat. They see bright white lights dancing in their eyes, feel silt and grit dig into them, feel them squeezing and bending under the pressure of this wall of water. They’re going to come undone, if this keeps up they’re going to be free of each other! Malachite grabs a hold of herself in a desperate lunge, she has to turn her head down, keep her eyes out of this. Focusing as best she can against the tempest she both sees and feels a momentary glow in the dark. The pressure on her head lessens, a helmet of crystal protecting her face from the worst of the bludgenings as she braces herself to keep moving through the watery storm.

Both of the beings that lay dormant behind her eyes groan. Too bad for them, she will not let the very ocean that’s served as both her home and prison defeat her. Nor will she let her jailers escape her, she can feel the both of them raging at her- there’s a headache if she’s ever felt one- promising if she comes undone, she’ll never be remade. Shaking her head a little she presses harder against the water, using the blows to her body to force the water from her chest.

It takes what feels like days, but steadily the pressure of the water around her gets softer, she feels the tell-tale rumble of the rush of water that nearly destroyed her and braces herself, the helm materializing around her head again. The water hits and flows around her. Blinking, she looks up, the amount of water rushing towards her is still massive, but instead of kicking her so hard it makes her sick to her stomach it eddies and flows through her hair and over her skin. She continues moving, new strength filling her as the movement of water becomes breezes and gales instead of walls of pressurized water that nearly pop their eyes from their head. Her movements get bolder, faster, longer. She’s never moved so freely before, it invigorates, stimulates. For a while her jailers forget to even simmer at each other, caught up in the delirium of running, jumping, gliding through the water.

It feels good, her body lighter, her mind clearer, her components are synchronized properly for the first time. If this is what that red fusion feels all the time, she can see why they went right back together. There, up above, light filters dim through the still hundreds of meters of water, she can hardly remember the last time she saw light, strange blue and white stripes of light cast down to mix with the natural green ones along her body. She feels beautiful.

Looking up at the roof of her prison and home a heavy feeling develops in her gut, she would sigh if it wouldn’t hurt. Her body aches from the strain of fighting the water for so long, she reached somewhere better, right? What would it hurt to lay down for a while, continue her march when her strength returns? Her body cries out for the rest but her mind, no part is ready to stop, all so homesick for the sky. She wants to stay here, just a while, wants to rest, but she can’t, rest just isn’t her, not until the work is done. So, she squares her jaw and forces her limbs to keep moving, she’ll see the sky soon, she’ll live under the stars or among them, she’ll live.

Breathing is a strange thing, neither of the people she used to be needed to do it, so neither does she, but she still can. Sometimes, it happens all on its own, like right now. She’s clinging to the side of an undersea cliff, all she’d done was look up and see the annoying distance stretching up in the water left for her to haul her body. If she would allow herself to swim this would be so much easier, let the water carry her up. As it is she couldn’t help but take in the first half of a long sigh.

Without the distraction of a crushing wall of water bearing down on her, it feels like her entire chest is simultaneously on fire and being scraped with sandpaper, two hands worth of fingers nearly slip in the shock of it. She clenches her teeth against the pain and digs her hands back into the sheer rock. As she hacks up the offending saltwater what’s left of Jasper watches like a predator, she’s looking for an opportunity to take over but she doesn’t understand.

Malachite has more than just Lapis’ patience and will, she has Jasper’s warrior’s resolve. Lapis had resolve of her own, but it was faltering and flinching, not strong enough to last long in the face of death. Jasper’s is, and it’s on that, that Malachite draws when she has to keep herself from lapsing, to haul herself up the cliff again. Jasper’s own resolve paired with Lapis Lazuli’s stubbornness are what guarantee Malachite’s continued existence. They’re also what help her turn the pain inflicted by inhaling the saltwater into a vengeful fury directed at the whole ocean, spurring her on even further past exhaustion.

Days more of trudging along the deep pass before she sees something that could possibly be land, the gentle incline of the seafloor finally steepening a little again. Not enough to make her have to climb again but enough to tell her that she’s finally approaching a shore. Looking up at the stars her brow creases, they look so odd from the bottom, they’re so dim. One would never think they were enormous balls of gas, so massive that they ignited under the force of their own size. She can’t wait to see them through the clear sky again, with two eyes they were incredible, with the depths added by her extras she’s sure they’ll strike her numb.

Sea creatures are annoying. Something’s itching between her lower shoulders, reaching up she pulls something long and with a sucker-like appendage on top of its head from her person. She inspects it closely a moment, pretty sure she crushed it in her grip, but even though it’s twisted and broken looking she recognizes it. She’s seen these things attached to the larger predators down here, but she has killed nothing, there are no scraps for this thing to pick up. She shrugs to herself, tosses the creature aside and presses on.

As she moves more and more fish and other creatures swarm about her. She gives a few halfhearted attempts to wave them away but they cling about her like a fog. The predators steer clear of her, she can see why, she towers over all but the largest of them and those great beasts pay her no mind. It’s the prey creatures that annoy her, gathering about her body and hair, no doubt believing something as big as she is must be able to provide them with protection from their rightful slayers. They’re not wrong, but it’s still irritating to have things nesting in and tugging at her hair. Still, after a few moments of fruitless struggling to rid herself of them she gives a breathless huff. Resolving to ignore them, she presses on.

She’s tired, everything hurts, the sand scrapes and scratches at her hands as she drags them, conserving her strength along the last leg of her journey. Her eyes drift closed every now and again, forcing her to shake her head and intentionally breathe saltwater to force her body to keep moving if for no other reason than for the promise that once she’s free of the ocean she’ll stop forcing burning water into her body. She tumbles end over end a moment when she goes to move one of her limbs and it takes so little effort that she ends up launching herself up through the water by pushing too hard. She lands back on the scraping seafloor face-first. Well, she’s awake now. Getting up out of the sand she blinks and looks around, she doesn’t know how much time she’s spent staggering forwards in a half-awake daze, her entourage of weakling fish have abandoned their places tangled among her hair, looking up again the surface looks closer than it’s ever looked, almost close enough to touch, she’s entered truly shallow waters. Reaching up she can almost touch the surface, her fingers reach close enough to make ripples and waves. A light, fluttery feeling develops in her chest, she restrains the urge to laugh, her nose and mouth still sting from the last breath of saltwater she took in. A shadow the shape of the hull of a boat passes above her. She rears up, a feeling that’s odd after spending so long down on all six and manages to run her fingers along the bottom of the vessel, it’s warm and smooth, some of the first warmth she’s felt since she was dragged down here. It makes her shudder, reminding her just how cold the water around her is. She tries to ignore it by stretching and flexing herself in the shallow water, getting used to being able to walk on four arms.

She wants more of that warmth, reaching up to grab the boat, she pulls it under with a harsh yank. It splinters in her grasp, twisted metal and shattered timbers digging into her palm. She has to repress the instinct to hiss as she releases the remains of the boat. Looking up she can see there was only one passenger, he bobs at the surface, looking down into the water with wide eyes, and around at the destruction of his craft. What’s left of Jasper is irritated by the fact that he wasn’t destroyed with the vessel. Malachite bares her teeth, picking bits of metal and wood out of her hand, annoyed that the boat broke, it wasn’t supposed to break, she’d wanted to hold it. A chill touches deep in her form, she’d wanted more of that warmth.

She rears up on her back arms, letting her head breach the surface, the sky is dark, overcast in the night, water still stretches unbroken in almost every direction but for a small bright dot further in the direction she’s been marching. She hears the boatman yelp somewhere to her right and turns to look at him. Pale skin under a yellow coat, small for an adult human, even the mane of hair along his chin and neck is white. He gibbers out something and she turns back to the sky above, baring her fangs. She wants to see stars.

She can see a beach by the time the sun’s come up, its heat making the clouds dissipate. Looking up through the water to the sky she nearly shouts in frustration, just more of the same blue, she’s sick of blues and off-whites, at least the fish back down below had some colours to them. As her body breaks the surface she’s caught off guard by how much heavier she feels out of the shallow waters, it reminds her of the mid-depths she trekked through maybe a week and a half ago but she pulls herself up onto the beach on six arms all the same, she’s tired, so tired.

She struggles to keep herself from collapsing, non-stop movement for what must have been at least two weeks taking its toll in the form of bad steps and dragging limbs. Her head keeps dipping but she doesn’t know if she’ll ever wake up if she falls unconscious, or if it will allow Jasper and Lapis- whatever’s really left of them, they’ve been so quite the last few days- to unfuse her. Pushing herself up on four limbs she looks up at the unending blue of the sky above, cursing it for not being night, if these are to be her last moments she wants to see the stars.

There’s at least one thing she wanted to do that she can still do. She closes her eyes and breathes. The rush of air filling her lungs hits her like one of those block-headed whales taking down its prey. A cocktail of feelings rushes through her body, zest and relief and life. The air tastes of so many new things, more than just brine and pain. She staggers under the new experience. Her body still aches, her eyes still burn and everything still screams for rest, but she’s more awake now. The sun rests right above her, warming her body, melting away the months of deep chill, she thinks she can make it to nightfall.

Sheer rock juts up into the air ahead of her, jagged boulders sticking out of it. Some of them come up high enough to use as a sort of chair for her so she makes for the cliff, settling down on them to watch the sky, her breath coming in deep whooshes as she savors the air and suns herself. There are so many new sounds too, the waves sound different above them, white birds squawk raucously in the air, even the wind makes a sound as it plays along the rocks around her.

Slowly she becomes numb to her surroundings, the sound of gulls and the sea fading into the background as she watches the sky, she lost track of time a while ago and cannot find the strength to care no matter how hard she tries, she could just rest her eyes, just for a moment, it couldn’t hurt. She doesn’t feel as torn as she should, Lapis and Jasper should be clamoring for freedom now that the ocean is behind them but they’re quiet, have they given up? Or are they simply biding their time till she can’t stay active any longer? No matter which it is she relents, closing her eyes and taking a deeper breath.

“Malachite!” She nearly jumps, who could know her name here? The voice is shrill and soft, grating and comforting all at once; she can’t figure out who it could be. She ends up staying still far longer than she meant to before it occurs to her that she could just look at whoever yelled at her, Letting out a long sigh she turns her head towards the sound of terrified panting and opens her eyes. He looks soft, small and weak, with too small hair, the wrong yet right colours- brown instead of pink, red and yellow instead of white- and chubby limbs. Her- not missed at all- headache comes back in full force as looking at the boy jolts Jasper and Lapis both back to awareness, tearing her in two different directions so hard she has to look away from him for the sake of her own bodily integrity. She stubbornly doesn’t look at him as she growls,

“Steven-Rose.”


	3. Have to Move

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Malachite pushed herself too hard.

 Pain rips through her, from her head to her back, both sides furious at her for using the other's name for the boy. As much as it hurts it's good, long as they're angry at her they're synchronized, as long as their moods match she can stay whole. She grabs her head and groans, she can feel herself trembling, her back hands form fists and pound at the rock below her in a mix of frustration and agony.

  “Whoa,” now that they know who he is, just hearing Steven's voice is causing rifts, irritation and fondness making her entire body feel light and unstable. “A-are you okay? Lapi-”

  “Shut u-” she starts to roar and brings up an arm to make a swipe at the little jerk destabilizing her, but a rush of fury from Lapis and approval from Jasper forces her to stop. She can feel her face distorting, her eyes joining their head and back in stinging because of the glow emanating from their body. “No, she screams, clutching at her face in an attempt to force it back into proper alignment with her hands, “not now, not yet!” She hears him yelp and take a few steps back as she falls from her perch, rolling and thrashing on the beach as she forces herself to come back together. He says something but she can't spare any thought to what his awful screeching means.

  They're too much, too much divergence happening between the two of them and she's so tired, so weak from her journey. She can't hold them together through will alone anymore so she funnels the pain, forcing them both to take it into their minds, overwhelming them with the burn of their rift and the aches of an overworked body, forcing them to synchronize on the desire to make it _stop_.

  She keeps her eyes screwed shut as she feels her body solidifying again, once her face has shifted back into proper alignment she feels confident enough to open her eyes, silently hoping the first thing she sees won't be Him.

  It's sand, she's face-down in the sand, again. The irritation the familiar view coaxes from both of her still asynchronous components is enough to bring them fully in line again. Forcing herself back up off the ground she takes a deep breath, looking back up to the sky. There's a niggling though, perhaps a fear, that he's still nearby and she turns to look at where he'd been standing. There are footsteps in the sand, nothing more. Her... episode, must have frightened him away. Both sides of her agree that's a good thing and she relaxes a little, she has them under her control again, she can handle this.

  She has to move, leave this spot before he comes back, with reinforcements. Lapis and Jasper both seethe at the thought of who he'd be bringing and she stops. She's still too weak to make a real run for it, even with her power over the water she doesn't think she'd be able to stomach the feel of it on her if she tried to escape that way yet. However, she could stand her ground, take some of her frustrations out on the Crystal Gems. Raising one of her hands she clenches it into a fist, she's not too weak to fight for a couple minutes, and if all else fails she has the ocean.

  Knowing what she does now, all three of them are disappointed in Lapis for not using the ocean to its full potential when she had the chance. She won't make the same mistake. She still plans to get a few proper punches in too, she's actually getting impatient to do so.

  Turning to the cliff she draws back an arm, she wants to feel the shock of impact just a moment, to get the taste and get it back. The rock breaks under her blow with a deafening crack, she can feel the force of her strike all the way up in her neck, half numbed by experience, half fresh and jarring. The combination of feelings draws a sharp smile to her lips, let them come, she could use the exercise.

  She uncurls her fist and shakes it out, watching rock dust fall from her knuckles before she hears footsteps returning. Only one set, the fusion- Garnet- must have gotten cocky in her absence. A sharp laugh works its way past her lips, she'll have to fix that.

  Turning to address her opponent she has all of a second before she has to avert her eyes again. It's him, St- the boy. Just thinking the name hurts, she'll have to come up with her own for him at this rate. She hears him take a deep breath and stamps one of her back arms hard in warning, she's not going to hurt him, just scare him a little. This draws a stable feeling of disapproval from both Lapis and Jasper, Malachite can work with that. “Not a word, brat,” she commands, still not looking directly at him.

  “But that was so cool!” He shouts, causing Malachite to look directly at him in surprise, luckily both Jasper and Lapis are too busy mirroring her shock for this to hurt like it did before. Malachite makes a noise of incomprehension and he becomes positively animated, waving his arms about and punching the air as he recounts the experience of seeing her strike the cliff despite it having happened mere moments before, “-and boom! I've only seen Garnet hit stuff that hard.”

  Jasper's preening boastfulness and their joint dislike for Garnet both bubble to the surface, motivating Malachite to outdo her. She cracks her knuckles and gives a low chuckle.

  “And I'm not even at full strength,” she brags, settling down in front of him, silently glad to have the weight off her aching limbs again.

  “No way,” he looks up at her with unconcealed awe, sitting down in front of her, though it appeals to the slight vanity she has, confusion is still acute through her.

  “You try marching across the ocean floor for a month with no rest, see how long it takes your strength to come back,” she snaps, noting the lack of a flinch at her harsh tone. She stares at him for a long moment while he thinks this over, “...why are you still here?” He blinks up at her.

  “Well I live just over there,” he points to another cliff off down the beach. If he lives here than the other Crystal Gems are just over there. She can feel her components straining to get at them but curiosity wins out.

  “Aren't you afraid?” She gestures to herself, one of her back hands digging furrows in the sand. His face clouds a bit and he reaches around to scratch at his stomach, leaning back on an arm.

  “Well, a little, I guess, but Jasper would have already grabbed me if she was in charge.” Malachite blinks but has to nod in agreement, “you haven't tried to hurt me, and you looked like you're kinda… in pain.” She huffs, crossing her arms, “and it was my fault.”

  Steven's concern draws an almost nurturing feeling from Lapis and more confusion from Jasper. The resulting feeling is odd, but not so polarized that it threatens to break her again. She shifts a little uncomfortably but doesn't say anything, if there's something neither side of her is comfortable doing anymore it's admitting weakness.

  Malachite herself is more than a little confused about her own feelings towards Steven, the conflicting opinions of him are hard to sift through but as far as she can tell he's pleasant enough conversation. Not particularly threatening. She'd have no real problem with him if it wasn't for the instability he brings.

  Her eyes have narrowed at him as she sifts through her head, making him shift uncomfortably under her gaze. “Uhh, Lapis, are you okay?” Malachite flinches, a bit of a snarl coming to her lips.

  “That's not my name, boy,” she growls, leaning over him a bit, “not anymore.” He scoots back a few feet, now there's that fear. She huffs and sits back again, impatient, “it doesn't matter, just run and get those traitors. I deserve a rematch after all I've been through,” she snarls a bit, the corner of her mouth tugging up a little as she feels her Components' eagerness for the fight. She takes a slow breath, relishing in the feeling of being synchronized. Now it's Steven's turn to shift awkwardly, not looking directly at her.

  “Um,” he blinks and snaps his fingers, “you said you aren't at full strength yet, right? It wouldn't be a fair fight.” Malachite's brow raises and she nearly snaps at him again but she has to admit he's got a point. Shifting where she sits over him, she takes stock of her body. Everything's still achy and sluggish, her lower arms protest at just the idea of her putting weight on them. “Besides, the others aren't in right now,” he's entirely too enthusiastic about denying Malachite her grudge match, his voice light and an almost irritating grin on his face, she huffs at him. “Garnet's off doing Garnet stuff, Amethyst kind of just disappears sometimes too, and Pearl's out looking for you, I think.” He brings a hand up to his chin and hums, “you know what, I don't think I've seen Pearl all day.”

  “The Pearl, why would I care about the Pearl?” Malachite scoffs, settling down on her front with a crash so her face is closer to his but still towering over him, folding her front hands under her chin. He coughs a bit at the small cloud of sand she sent flying with her impact.

  “That's, kinda mean,” he snips back at her, waving a hand to drive away the dust. She crooks an eyebrow at him, gotta give him points for not being freaked out by that. “Pearl does her best and we kinda just got a little better. Leave her alone.” It's not toned like a command but she gets the distinct feeling he expects her to listen to him. That'd almost be amusing if there wasn't a third of her that wants to obey. Instead it's a threat.

  She ends up growling at him a little but it ends in a ragged cough as a bit of seawater that was apparently clinging to her lungs decides now would be the perfect time to try and escape. She rears back up and turns away from him, covering her face with a hand as she hacks up the offending liquid, not wanting him to see her pained expression as she does so.

  Once it's over she shakes her head a bit, she really shouldn't have gotten so used to breathing saltwater if it's going to sneak back up on her like this. It also only serves to drive Steven's point about her not being ready home. What if that had happened in combat? It would have left her wide open to any attack.

  Steven peeks up at her from around one of her lower arms, “are you okay?”

  “Fine,” she snaps at him, forcing herself back up on her hands, making to turn away. Her limbs shudder a bit from being forced accept her weight again, now that she's had a taste of rest her body wants to stay until it's recovered. She silently curses the air for not providing as much support as water but a glance over at the ocean makes her reconsider that.

  “I don't think you're okay,” Steven insists, following her as she turns around, “you look awful.”

  “I'm _fine_ ,” she stomps a hand hard and it nearly unbalances her, forcing her to reach out and support herself a bit against the cliff-side, she feels sick.

  “But-”

  “Go away,” she snarls down at him, cutting him off and turning her face away from him, resolving to ignore the troublesome boy like she had the fish.

  “Malachite, stop,” he shouts up at her, she doesn't so much as blink at him, taking another step. If she has to rest, fine, she just can't do it out in the open like this. The shade on the other side of the cliff, away from the Crystal Gem's temple reminds her a bit of the water, cool, too cool, she can't deal with cold anymore, she won't.

  She feels something pinch at one of her arms, “Malachite!” Why won't he go away?

  “What!?” she turns her upper body to look at him, snarling. He's clinging to one of her arms and she can't help but let out a frustrated roar, “get, off, of, me!” Shaking the arm she tries to force him away from her. The pinching feeling of his hands clinging to her vanishes and she makes to turn to face him again, it happens slower than she would like but it's cold over here, she blames that.

  “Malachite, stop,” she hears Steven shout a mere second before something pink flashes and squares her right in the forehead, making her freeze in shock. He'd hit her, he'd actually hit her. Part of her wants to be angry but mostly she just feels a strange mix of surprise and just plain numbness. She looks down at him with wide eyes, “I-I'm sorry, you just wouldn't stop and- and, look!” He points to one of her back arms.

  She turns a bit to look at it. There's a deep furrow in the sand, like she's just been dragging dead weight. Looking down at the arm she sees that's exactly what she's been doing, her back left arm won't move, only retaining enough strength to keep from collapsing into limpness, “and you're shivering really bad!”

  “I am not,” she says a bit absently, mystified by her body's refusal to cooperate.

  “You are, just look at yourself,” Malachite throws him a look, raising her right front hand to try and prove her point but when it comes into her view she can see it shuddering uncontrollably. She glares at the offending limb and clenches it into a fist, it doesn't stop shaking.

  “It's cold,” she says, like that will explain why her form isn't working.

  “No it's not, you're hurt,” he reaches out a hand like she's going to let him touch her again.

  “I'm fine,” she pulls her arm back to her side, “I just need a little more rest.” She turns to move again but Steven runs around in front of her, like he'd be able to stop her on his own.

  “Then stop, you're going to kill yourself.”

  “Am not,” she barks at him.

  “Are too,” he shouts back.

  “You get out of my way before I make you,” she growls.

  “You wouldn't still be standing there if I wasn't right,” he spreads his arms, “just stop.” She wants to be angry with him, really angry, even Lapis is supportive of the decision to just bash him out of the way right now. Yet she can't, he _is_ right, she can't keep doing this, even just standing here is making every inch of her burn with exhaustion, she doesn't dare take a step for fear of her limbs giving out on her. Her eyes narrow at him and Jasper's decided she hates just the look of him again. Taking a long breath she lets out a sigh, she's stubborn but she's not stupid or suicidal, if she keeps doing this she's going to come undone, there are other ways to work around this.

  “Fine,” she lets her lower arms fold underneath her, taking the weight off of them, “just, make sure I'm not disturbed.” Steven seems to let out a breath of relief, how strange, they should be enemies, he should relish in seeing her run herself into the ground if he wants his precious Lazuli back.

  “Thank you,” he breathes, slumping a little like that took a lot of physical effort on his part.

  "It's still cold," she mumbles, trying to ignore the chill she feels.  Steven blinks at her.

  "I'll see if I can get you... a ton of blankets or something, maybe a heat lamp?"  He looks up at her and nods, "yeah, a big heat lamp."  As he runs off to retrieve whatever he decides is best to stave off her chill she cocks her head at him and mumbles to herself.  

  "What an odd person."

 


	4. A Mercy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something to help chase away her chill.

Restfulness proves illusive even once Steven leaves. She's sure that she's out of view of the temple, but the shadow cast across her by the cliff- a shiver courses through her form, that chill touching deep in her chest- it freezes like she's back in the ocean depths. Shaking her head she settles down in the cool sand, silently cursing it. Looking up at the cliff, she huffs and shakes her head a little, why can't the sun move a little faster? Shuddering, she calls up the memory of how cold it was in the deepest waters, trying to chase off her chill by remembering when it was so much worse. It just makes her colder.

Laying herself down she lets all her limbs go limp, her lower arms uncurling from under her to splay out. The relief that courses through her is nearly strong enough to taste, forcing her to let out a deflating groan as she sinks against the sand. The chill won't abate but it's good enough for her at the moment, she can ignore it, she hopes.

The world seems to blur around her a moment and she blinks, lifting her head and reaching an arm around to make sure there's no sand in her eyes. The image of her hand begins to smudge and she realizes that her eyelids are drooping again. Probing her mind she looks for some activity from Jasper and Lapis, waiting for a long moment for the familiar, straining howls of their minds. Yet after searching she finds they've gone quiet again. It worries her a little, they could be gathering for another power play but it feels so good to let her body fully relax after so long, it couldn't hurt too much to rest her eyes a while longer, could it?

She feels so heavy, like she should be sinking into the sand beneath her, her aches and pains start to fade into the background as her mind drifts, a slow warmth starts to combat the chill as her eyes drift shut, beginning to doze off.

Something screeches in her ear and her eyes shoot open, little irritations run up and down her body, slapping and pinching at her form, settling on all the tender, aching spots. She lets out a roar and rears back up, white birds flee from her form in a maelstrom of feathers, taking to the air with more raucous squawks. Raising her foremost arms she takes a couple swipes at the fleeing creatures, a soft puff smacks against her palm and one of the animals comes down, falling to the sand with a piteous cry.

Malachite towers over it, baring her teeth as it tries to flap to freedom, one of its long wings flopping uselessly against its side and the sand, spraying grit about and catching grains between its feathers. It lets out a pained, despairing chirp, looking up at the beast above it. She raises a hand again, intent on crushing the life out of it. It manages to fall back into the ocean with a splash, flinging drops of water back onto the shore. For a sickening moment she can't move, the sensation of something cold and clinging flows up and down her arm and she rears away, tucking the arm back to her chest.

She doesn't need to kill it, it'll die on its own, she's broken one of its wings, the other tiny limbs look useless, it'll die, or it'll be killed by something stronger and hungrier than it. That's how life works on this planet, she doesn't need to intervene. It's not worth her time, yes, that's it. It's not worth it.

She notices her chest heaving and lays back down, letting her weight force her breaths to even out while she cradles the arm against her side. She's fine, she's going to be okay. When will Steven be back? She needs a distraction from this damnable chill.

It occurs to her that she should have Jasper's communication device somewhere on herself but before she can look for it she huffs, there's no way that piece of tech survived both the transformation brought on by Fusion and several months down at the bottom of an oceanic trench.

Heaviness presses at her eyelids again but this time she doesn't let them close, she can't fall asleep, there are too many of the annoying, white birds still circling around her body, even if they're too intimidated by what became of their comrade to approach her properly again. So she lays there, rolling her eyes to be sure to see on as many of the birds as she can, turning inwards a little to check why Lapis and Jasper are so quiet.

They're tired, she can feel it coming off them in waves, Malachite's body is far better built for the strain she's put herself through than their bodies are, than their minds are. If she unfused right now they wouldn't be able to move, much less avoid capture by the Crystal Gems. They need her, a bit of a smirk touches her lips, as exhausted and strained as she is, Malachite's at least functional. She lets out a bit of a chuckle and they stir behind her eyes.

“Even after escaping, you still need me,” she mutters, her eyes drooping a little, “so stop trying to yank me apart.” There's a pulse of resentment from the two of them but not much else, drawing a slightly cruel laugh from Malachite.

She settles in to doze, not quite letting herself fall asleep but resting as well as she can, she hardly notices footsteps approaching her, jolting when she feels a small hand rest on one of her lower arms. She rears up a bit again, her teeth bared and her upper hands clutched into fists before she notices it's just Steven again.

“Whoa, whoa, easy,” he murmurs, almost too low for her to hear, his hand not leaving her leg, “it's me, relax.” A part of her obeys almost instantly, but another doesn't want to, a tingle works its way across her scalp and neck as her mane stands on end, one set of eyes narrowing suspiciously at him. For a long moment it's a standoff, Steven doesn't move and Malachite won't let her guard down enough to be sure she won't take a swing at him if he moves too fast.

He raises his hand to place it further up her arm, humming a bit and gently stroking her limb. She casts one set of eyes about, keeping the other on Steven as she makes sure he wasn't followed. She hardly notices her hair smoothing back out but it does as she relaxes her fists, letting her fingers go limp again. “There we go,” his voice almost chirps, patting her a moment before pulling a bag off of his back.

He must notice something in her gaze that tells him she's still guarded because he keeps his voice soft, that energy he has still present, just subdued. “Now, I couldn't find enough blankets or heat lamps for someone your size but I was able to find,” he reaches into the bag and pulls out a box, “this! And a car battery.” Malachite leans in a little to watch him as he fiddles with another box- the battery apparently, she's never seen one so plain looking be so big- and a tangle of wires.

“What is it?” She asks, cocking her head a little.

“It's my Dad's old space heater, he used to use it to keep the van warm back when the AC broke. I figure it should help you too,” he shrugs. Malachite leans in as he messes with the jaws of the cables, sparking once the other end's been hooked up to the battery. After a little more fiddling he manages to get it hooked up to the heater and it starts belching slightly warmer air.

Malachite throws him an unimpressed look, quirking an eyebrow. “I-it'll warm up, just give it a second.” He hunches over the machine a little, whispering, “I believe in you.” This does not serve to make her eyebrow come down but she reaches out a hand, hovering over it. She can feel hot air drifting up, playing along her fingers and palm before drifting up and away from her.

She picks it up, careful of its power source and holds it in front of her face, making a show of inspecting it to not give away how incredible it feels to have that blast of steadily heating air against her. She risks a quick glance at Steven and he looks supremely proud of himself. A small part of her wants to knock him down a peg, it's not like she wouldn't have managed on her own, but the rest of her is grateful for this, something she can hold to chase off the chill, even if it's not that big. It's odd though, the part of her that resents this feels like Lapis. The corner of her lip gives a bit of a downwards twitch but she brushes it off.

“This will be adequate,” she rumbles, setting it down near her chest and wrapping an arm around it as she settles back down. She doesn't look right at him as she mutters it but she thanks him all the same.

“That thing eats up a lot of power so don't just leave it on. If you need it recharged you can call me on this,” he pulls another thing out of the box and hands it to her, it's barely the size of one of her fingertips, it feels flimsy, fragile in her hand as she inspects it. “Just press the button on the side and I'll be able to hear it.”

“I know how a short-wave radio works,” she grumbles, closing her hand around it. Granted, it's been centuries since she's seen one with buttons, but she remembers how the things work. She huffs to herself and settles against the sand once more, ignoring all the grains that scrape against the side of her face and breathing deep. She doesn't let her eyes close, watching him as he leans back on his arms again. He watches her in return, quirking his head to the side.

For a long while they sit in silence, her inspecting him, an irritation and curiosity mingling in her mind, him watching her, inscrutable through his wide, innocent eyes. A thought occurs to her after a couple moments longer. “How did you escape?”

“Huh,” he blinks at her, jolting a little like he was as lost in his own head as Malachite gets.

“On the ship, we had everyone in energized cells, no Gem should have been able to even touch them without losing control of their form.” She growls a bit, all of her a bit irritated at Jasper for not really questioning it when it was happening. “You and the Fusion, how did you escape?”

“Uh, well,” he shrinks a little under her gaze, “I'm not really all Gem, just on my mom's side, my dad's human.” Malachite blinks, this is odd information, it makes some part of her sick deep down where Lapis and Jasper have started to mingle. “I guess the human part of me held the gem part together?” He shrugs, “I just had to stand in the door and it would make gaps for the others to escape through.

Her eyes go wide, Steven, as a hybrid, is a far more powerful weapon than she'd even begun to give him credit for; not even a Diamond could just stand under the barrier for more than a second without their form disintegrating. She shakes her head, can't let on how powerful he is, but she'll certainly have to report this to- to who, exactly? She's half a traitor and all disgusting. No one would listen and if they did they'd have her separated. Her brow creases as she mulls over this information.

Steven's starting to look nervous, best to set him at ease while she figures out what she can do with herself. She clears her throat.

“So, are you a sort of fusion, then?” She asks to try and break the tension a little, Steven's shoulders hunch a little more and she blinks again.

“Garnet told me what Jasper thinks of Fusion, is that supposed to be an insult?” Malachite's lip tugs up a little in a snarl.

“I don't give half a depleted asteroid what Jasper thinks about me,” she growls before sucking in a breath, closing her eyes and forcing herself to calm again. “No, I'm just curious,” she says, turning the heater a bit towards her head.

When she opens her eyes he looks a bit shaken, but his shoulders have come down. She nods for him to answer her question.

“G-Garnet says so,” and Malachite has to contain a snort, of course _she_ does. “It's actually really complicated cause my dad's still walking around outside of me, so I guess I'm not a fusion in that sort of way.” As Steven starts to ramble about the implications and confusion over whether or not he counts as a Fusion- “no matter how cool that might be”- Malachite considers her options. Her goal for quite some time has just been simply to get out of the water, and she knows for a fact that there were two very large parts of her that were betting on her not making it; but she never really thought about what she was going to do once she got out.

She can't go running to the “Crystal Gems” of all people, they're her enemy, they'd shun her in an instant and even if they didn't she'd crush them at the first opportunity.

Peridot should be on the planet somewhere, but would she be able to go to her for help? She's Homeworld's- Yellow Diamond's, no less- she'd be guaranteed to react badly to her, and she'd have as much of a drive as Jasper does to find a way home, where Malachite would be split and killed before anything else.

Just staying on this planet is not an option, every bit of her right down to the mineral of her gems hates this place, it's a prison upon a prison. She needs to get out, needs to escape and she'll need help to do that, she'll need a ship. There isn't a single technician of the caliber she'd need on the Crystal Gem's side, so Peridot it is. It's not like it matters what Peridot wants, she'll shove the brat out the airlock and pilot the thing herself as soon as it leaves orbit.

She doesn't realize she's fallen unconscious until she's watching it behind her eyes and there are three different colours of arms pushing Peridot out into space. The three facets of being regard each other a moment before deciding they're all too collectively exhausted to duke it out for control and instead just delight in the image of Peridot screaming silently, spinning in the void.

She feels a warmth on her chest and remembers the portable furnace, they'll take that with them when they go. Lapis flares like she's huffing, her form blurry and muddled in their mind. Jasper's deteriorating impression doesn't react to the thought, she's considering it, she doesn't really know what to make of it. It is a gift, a mercy, none of her knows what to do with mercy.

 


End file.
